Why are all dumb blonde jokes one liners?
So men can understand them.
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Two hunters are out in the wild hunting, when out of nowhere, one of the hunters falls to the ground. The other hunter checks if he's breathing, but there's no sign of life, so he calls 911: "Please! Help me! I think my friend is dead!"
The operator says: "ok, ok, calm down, first, make sure if he's dead". After a short moment of silence, a gunshot is heard, then the frantic hunter says: "ok, now what?!"
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A farmer was milking his cow. He was just starting to get a good rhythm going when a bug flew into the barn and started circling his head. Suddenly, the bug flew into the cow's ear. The farmer didn't think much about it, until the bug squirted out into his bucket. It went in one ear and out the udder.
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Husband to Hotel Manager: Please come fast, My wife wants to die & trying to jump out of the window.
Hotel Manager: It’s your matter, what can I do, sir?
Husband: The window is not opening, idiot !
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When I was a child my family was so poor that the only thing I got on my birthday was a year older.
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I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, "I'd like some fries." The girl at the counter said, "Would you like some fries with that?
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Two hydrogen atoms meet.
One says "I've lost my electron."
The other says "Are you sure?"
The first replies "Yes, I'm positive."
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What do they call "Hee Haw" in Arkansas?
Life Styles of the Rich and Famous."
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A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar.
During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle."
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Q: What do you call a blonde with 90% of her intelligence gone?
A: Divorced.
Q: Where do blondes go to meet their relatives?
A: The vegetable garden.
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A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger."
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In order to get 100/100 in life, a man requires 100% talent,
Whereas a woman requires only 4% talent & the remaining is only 36-24-36.
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What did the neurotic pig say to the farmer?
You take me for grunted.
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Wife: What is the meaning of coming home half drunk at this time of night?
Husband: It's not my fault - I ran out of money.
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It's like the man who wanted to buy two mongoose.
Or is it mongeese? Or mongooses?
He finally said, "Send me a mongoose today, and tomorrow send me another one."
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Mrs Kartar had bought a beautiful sweater for her husband . She sent it to her husband by parcel post along with a note. The note said : ' The buttons of the sweater are removed since they where too heavy and added to the postage . You will find them in the right hand pocket of the sweater.
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A nurse at my hospital received a call from an anxious woman.
"I'm diabetic and I'm afraid I've had too much sugar today," she said.
"Are you light-headed? " my colleague asked.
"No," the caller answered, "I'm a brunette".
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What does a tarantula wish he had?
A hairy godmother
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What's a man's idea of honesty in a relationship?
Telling you his real name.
